What She SAYS / What She MEANS

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = you’ll be sorry

6. We need to talk = I need to complain

7. Sure, go ahead = I don’t want you to

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. Are you listening to me? = Too late, you’re dead

11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

13. You’re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

14. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive

15. It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

16. You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

17. I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

18. How much do you love me? = I did something today that you’re really not going to like